Monday, July 18, 2005

What Ordering A Pizza May Be Like In 2008....

A friend of mine sent this along and it was too good not to share with you:

Operator:  Thank you for calling Pizza Hut.  May I have your national ID number?

Customer:  Hi, I'd like to place an order.

Operator:  I must have your NIDN first, sir.

Customer:  My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it's 6102049998-45-54610.

Operator:   Thank you Mr. Sheehan.  I see you live at 1742 Meadowland Drive, and the phone number is 494-2366. Your office number over at Lincoln Insurance is 745-2302 and your cell number is 266-2566.  E-mail address is I see you're calling me from home.

Customer:  Huh? Where'd you get all this information?

Operator:  We're wired into the HSS, sir.

Customer:  The HSS, what is that?

Operator:  We're wired into the Homeland Security System, sir. This will add only 15 seconds to your ordering time.

Customer:  (sighs) Oh well, I'd like to order a couple of your All-Meat
Special pizzas.

Operator:  I don't think that's a good idea, sir.

Customer:  Whaddya mean?

Operator: Sir, your medical records and commode sensors indicate that you've got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your National Health Care provider won't allow such an unhealthy choice.

Customer:  What?!?! What do you recommend, then?

Operator:  You might try our low-fat Soybean Pizza.  I'm sure you'll like it.

Customer:  What makes you think I'd like something like that?

Operator:  Well, you checked out 'Gourmet Soybean Recipes' from your local library last week, sir.  That's why I made the suggestion.

Customer:  All right, all right.  Give me two family-sized ones, then.

Operator:  That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids. Your 2 dogs can finish the crusts, sir. Your total is $49.99.

Customer:  Lemme give you my credit card number.

Operator:  I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to pay in cash. Your credit card balance is over its limit.

Customer:  I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver gets here.

Operator:  That won't work either, sir. Your checking account is overdrawn also.

Customer:  Never mind! Just send the pizzas. I'll have the cash ready. How long will it take?

Operator:  We're running a little behind. It'll be about 45 minutes, sir. If you're in a hurry you might want to pick'em up while you're out getting the cash, but then, carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little awkward.

Customer:  Wait! How do you know I ride a bike?

Operator:  It says here you're in arrears on your car payments, so your car got repo'ed. But your Harley's paid for and you just filled the tank yesterday.

Customer:  Well, I'll be a #%#^^&$%^$@#

Operator:  I'd advise watching your language, sir. You've already got a July 4, 2003 conviction for cussing out a cop and another one I see here in September for contempt at your hearing for cussing at a judge. Oh yes, I see here that you just got out from a 90 day stay in the State Correctional Facility. Is this your first pizza since your return to society?

Customer:  (speechless)

Operator:  Will there be anything else, sir?

Customer:  Yes, I have a coupon for a free 2 liter of Coke..

Operator:   I'm sorry sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause prevents us from offering free soda to diabetics. The New Constitution prohibits this ... Thank you for calling Pizza Hut!

This is funny because it very well may happen if Big Brother continues to peek into every area of our lives. I don't need the government telling me what's healthy for me because they would surely outlaw my low-carb lifestyle. Remember this cute story the next time you hear them talking about a national ID card on Capitol Hill!


Blogger DietKing said...

What a nightmare scenario--reading it gave me chills, man.
But on a good note, you have me thinking about Pizza Hut ;-)

7/18/2005 11:37 AM  
Blogger Jimmy Moore said...

I thought you'd enjoy this, Adam!

7/18/2005 5:50 PM  
Blogger DietKing said...

I did, I did! But you made me hungry!! Or am I just "emotionally hungry"? LOL

7/18/2005 5:56 PM  

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