If you thought cannibalism was outlawed, think again!
Just in time for Halloween, I've got something so wickedly gruesome and freaky to the max that it will very likely turn your stomach worse than anything you have seen or heard in a long time. It sounds like something straight out of horror movie!
If you are squeamish or if you are easily grossed out, then you probably want to stop reading right now. But if you think your stomach can take it, then read on.
Believe it or not, there is a real company on the Internet right now at this very moment which actively promotes doing something with the body of your loved ones who pass away that is so off-the-wall crazy, there's no way I'd ever be able to make something like this up. What is it?
They make nutritional supplements out of dead bodies.
I'm not kidding!
The company is called Modern Man Eater and, as the name implies, they encourage people to pass on the "unimaginable power" that comes from ingesting the elements made from the body of your Grandma Martha, Aunt Sally, or Uncle Joe. Heck, they'll even make vitamins out of your dog Buster if you would like! Again, this is NOT a joke! It's as real as real can be.
Check out this ominous plea on the front page of their web site:
"The Question is: When you Die, Do you want your Life Force to Vanish or Passed on to your Children and their Children The Ancients knew. Warriors regularly fed themselves upon the Organs of defeated enemies to steal their Strength and Energy. In Pre-History, Families consumed their freshly Dead Ancestors so that their Wisdom and Essence is Preserved and Carried On within the Family."
EWWWW! This company is BEYOND sicko, they're a bunch of whack jobs! They think the work they are doing is continuing on a supposed tradition of passing on the family heritage one bite at a time. Oh, I think I'm gonna be sick.
Here's the process they use for making ingestible pills for consumption:
"Your Loved one's body will be separated into its Discreet Components, then Dried, Distilled, and Processed into Vitamins, Minerals, and Food Additives that can Strengthen your entire Family for years to come! Sanitary and Food-Grade Quality. Not only Good for your Body but truly feeds your Soul."
Blech! I'm turning white now from this...not sure if I can make it through the rest of this post. But I'll try.
What supplements come from one dead human body? Check it out:
Hair: First the Corpse is entirely Shaven and Hair collected. Then, via Hydrolysis, the Cysteine is Leeched out, purified, and Converted to the biologically valuable Vitamin L-Cystene.
Blood: All the Blood is Drained, Dried, Collected, Powdered and Encapsulated. These are the best iron-heavy Multi-Vitamin available!
Next, the Corpse is boiled to remove the meat from the bones.
Bones: The Bones are ground to a fine Powder, mixed with water and an agregator compound and formed into Calcium Tablets.
Meat: All of the remaining flesh is then Freeze-Dried and ground into a protein-intense, powdered nutritional supplement. Suitable for Energy Shakes, spicing up dinner, or mixed into foods such as scrambled eggs or oatmeal.
Mmm mmm yummy! Makes you wanna shake some Uncle Buck on your omelette for breakfast, doesn't it? Has anybody seen the Pepto Bismol?!
This process is known as anthropophagy (which is just a fancy word for "cannibalism!") and the Modern Man Eater company is pitching this line of garbage to unsuspecting strangers who are actually buying into this crap! Ignorance is bliss, but this is ridiculous!
Apparently, they've been doing this since 2003 and they say it's legal.
But look at this hat dance they make about the legality of their work:
"Well, lets put it this way: It is legal to have a dead body shipped anywhere in the world that you'd like. It is legal for us to do what we do in the country we do it in. Finally, the product we return to you is indistinguishable from similar agricultural or non-controled pharmaceautacal products, thus it is legal to be imported back to any country."
That would be a yes-no-maybe, in case you missed it! :)
Regarding the safety, they claim the vitamins made from the dead bodies are "of the same quality you find on the shelf of your local pharmacy." However, if the person who died was poisoned or had something like mad cow disease, they say they wouldn't recommend their service in those instances. Hey, they've got to have some sense of ethics, ya know!
Apparently, the Modern Man Eater service ain't cheap either since they are such small run productions and because every part of the machinery is thoroughly cleansed after each slaughte...er, I mean, use. No cross-contamination from one job to the next. Isn't that comforting?!
Whatever you do, just don't mention the "C word" around them because they think it's a touchy subject. Ya think?! They actually go so far as to defend Jeffrey Dahmer, the infamous cannibal killer from the 1990s, by claiming he would not have committed those horrible murders to all those innocent people he killed to eat if he had a "legal, safe way to satisfy his needs without having to harm a single living thing" such as the service offered by Modern Man Eater. Are you kidding me?!
Like any other business, they even have testimonials from actual satisfied customers. Let's see what some of them have to say about their Modern Man Eater experience:
"My bones were just plain getting eaten up by the osteo-porosis. But after eating all the calcium from my mother, I feel SO much better. My bones are strong again. I can feel my mother's spirit within them making me strong again, just like she did when she was alive"
-Ota Mae Wilson, NY
"My father was always strong as a bull. Both mentally and physically, he was a mountain of a man. Though I was no wuss myself, after taking his blood capsules, I have truly come into my own as family patriarch. Somehow, when things go badly now, I can look into myself and find the inner strength there I was lacking previously."
-Jim Johnson, Jackson, MS
"Ever since I was a little girl, I always knew I had a small gift. But, Halleluyah!, After we feasted on GrandMama's powdered, dried, protein conveniently mixed into a and tasty stew, I have inherited all her supernatural gifts and powers. I've gone from Acolyte to Priestess almost overnight!. Thank you Modern Man-Eater! Our family legacy is saved!"
-Laetitia Laveau, New Orleans, LA
"Our family traditions from many centuries had recently been abandoned due to changes in our legal system. Now we can return to the ways of our ancestors and not run afoul of the authorities. Thanks to MME."
-Umpepa Mi Mau, Paupua New Guinea
Oh...my...freakin'...goodness! Have we digressed as a civilized society THIS much that we now celebrate something as sinister and maniacal as eating the flesh and bones of a fellow human being? What kind of person are you to actually even consider something as asinine as this? It's incomprehensible to me and goes beyond any logical explanation in my mind. This has got to be the most bizarre thing I think I've ever heard of in my entire life.
So, the next time you're at a funeral, think about what it would be like to have a cupboard full of vitamins compliments of the dearly departed. That's a Halloween freak show I don't ever want to see for as long as I live! Somebody please wake me up from this nightmare because now I'm totally wigged out by it! 8-O