Kelly Damron talked with Christine and me about our infertility
Mother's Day is coming up again this Sunday and it's gonna be hard on me and Christine. Why when we both still have our mothers with us? Well, let's blame it on dashed hopes and dreams for parenthood...for now.
As many of you know who read about our failed IVF (in vitro fertilization) in December 2007, our quest to have a baby of our own was a difficult time in our life. In fact, we asked for your input about what we should do and what an incredible response you gave us! If I never said THANK YOU for all of the care and concern that so many of you offered, then please know how much we appreciated the many e-mails and cards. God bless you guys!
After many weeks of contemplating whether an IVF/ICSI was right for us, we finally came to the conclusion that we wanted to give it the old college try so we could at least have the peace of mind that we gave it the old college try. It's an $18,000 decision we don't regret making and still feel to this day was the right one.
While we were hopeful in December as Christine was giving herself all those shots to boost her egg follicles and when the crucial egg retrieval and embryo transfer took place a few weeks later that a pregnancy would take place, we were always expecting that it probably wouldn't work. It was this realistic mindset that helped soften the blow for us somewhat when the doctor said no baby.
Fast forward a little more than four months. It's May and that's the month when we celebrate motherhood followed quickly in June with a similar dedication to fatherhood. While I am all for rejoicing those who have been blessed and privileged to be parents, it can be a difficult time for people like us and others who have not been able to have children and want them. And church is the worst!
I will never forget last Father's Day when the pastor of the church asked all the dads in the church to come to the altar for prayer and recognition. Christine and I sing in the choir and when the pastor made this announcement the entire male section of the choir evacuated the middle seats leaving me and a young unmarried guy. In the middle of the pastor's prayer, I could hear the unmistakable sound of my wife sobbing uncontrollably. When I heard this, I immediately went over to her and held Christine tightly. It's not something I ever want her to go through again.
So, with that said, we won't be going to church on Mother's Day on Sunday or on Father's Day next month. The pain is just too much to bear despite being in church. I wish there was a way churches could still honor mothers while simultaneously giving respect and prayer for those who WANT to be a mother (I've suggested this to my pastor and he said he would consider such changes). Unfortunately, that doesn't exist in a lot of churches right now, so it's just better to avoid those particular days altogether. We'll spend time with each other on Sunday and get back to church next week.
One of our best resources during our IVF cycle and the aftermath of that has been a woman named Kelly Damron, author of an amazingly helpful book of inspiration and hope about going through infertility and the depression that can come from it called Tiny Toes: A Couple's Journey Through Infertility, Prematurity, and Depression. Christine and I met Kelly and her husband Dave in Phoenix, Arizona last month and they are a prime example of how couples can survive such a traumatic event like this.
They were fortunate enough to have twin baby girls from their IVF cycle, but their marriage almost didn't make it. Today, they are a strong-knit family raising their gorgeous girls thankful for the blessings they have received knowing there are people like us out there who didn't have a happy ending to our story. And yet Kelly was impressed by how well we were doing so soon after our news when we met with her that she wanted to have us on her podcast show this week. We happily obliged!
You can listen to our appearance on the "Twin Peas Podcast" airing today as we share about all we went through with our IVF cycle that didn't work. We are very open and honest about how we feel, what we endured (especially Christine), how we feel today, and what role children may play in our future during this podcast show. I hope you give it a listen to hear our heart about this sensitive subject. It's as much a part of who I am now as livin' la vida low-carb.
Listen to Episode 5 of the "Tiny Toes Podcast" to hear Kelly's interview with us:
You may notice that Kelly's podcast show is produced by the same person who produces my "Livin' La Vida Low-Carb" podcast show. She recently joined the Disc of Light family of shows from producer extraordinaire Kevin Kennedy-Spaien. If you have a passion and zeal for something and feel like your voice should be heard on that subject, then let Kevin consult you on creating a podcast or blog. He's the best in the business of the new media (IMHO!), so let him help take you to that next level.
Let me know what you thought about our interview with Kelly Damron. :) Special thanks to her for allowing us to talk about our experiences and encourage others who are going through similar circumstances. Although it's not a happy subject, we realize that God has a greater purpose for our lives right now...without a child. That may change someday, but we have come to grips with our reality right now.